J'adore
by rurokun
Summary: What would have happened if Rukia had been cut? Ichigo would never forgive himself, as long as he lived. Post 477. Rating subject to change.


I looked into Ginjou's eyes sadly, until his gaze changed to behind my back. I quickly turned around, and before I could inhale a breath of air, Rukia had jumped in front of me.

"RUKIA!" I screamed in horror as Tsukishima's Book of the End sliced through Rukia's shoulderblade. She collapsed, and without a hint of hesitation, I caught her in my arms.

I screamed her name again as I looked into her glazed over eyes. Riruka had already exited her body, but I didn't care.

"She... She wouldn't let me leave... She wanted to get cut, to protect you..." Riruka mumbled, the shock weakening her knees as she slowly slid to the ground.

"Rukia..." I looked at her unusually calm face. Suddenly, I felt a flicker of her reiatsu. It was incredibly weak, but she wasn't gone. I wouldn't let that happen.

Without thinking, I quickly added pressure to the wound, and gently picked her up. I was going to take her to Soul Society myself. The strand of her life is tearing, and I would be the one to help tie it back again.

* * *

><p>It was dark.<p>

I could neither see nor hear anything. However, I could feel the touch of strong arms slowly lifting me, and could smell the faint scent of trees, grass, and... Ichigo.

"Ichigo..."

I mutter your name, yet it doesn't reach you. I try and claw my way out of this pit of darkness, yet my limbs won't move. I feel so helpless...

A flash of bright light, and I become scared, until I see your face above mine, Ichigo.

* * *

><p>"Rukia?" The young man utters softly, as the petite shinigami begans to slowly recover.<p>

"Ichigo...?" Rukia mumbles, blinking her eyes to get rid of the blurriness. Her eyes refocus, and she can feel herself inside her body again.

And the pain comes back.

Her shoulder screams in agony as Rukia winces, tears threatening to spill from her sapphire eyes as she slowly sits up. Ichigo immediately places a hand firmly behind her back, helping her carefully sit upright.

"You should rest. I don't mind." Ichigo said, smiling.

"No, I'm fine. Really, I am." Rukia replies, her throat suddenly feeling dry. She reaches for the glass of water on her right hand side, and takes a cold sip.

"Does your shoulder still hurt? I could ask Unohana-taichou to-"

"No, thank you. I'm alright, Ichigo. Stop worrying." Rukia said, smiling weakly at her dear friend.

"I'm sorry. I can't help it. I got so scared, looking at your lifeless body. Your hands got cold, and your reiatsu was reduced to a sliver of your usual amount." Ichigo stated, sadness evident in his body language and facial expressions.

"You make it seem as if it were your fault." Rukia frowned.

"It is my fault. I couldn't protect you." Ichigo said, eyes fixated on the ground.

Rukia blinked, then grinned. "You're such an idiot."

Ichigo looked up and scowled. "Oi! What do you mean I'm and idiot? You're the idiot for not letting Riruka escape your body!"

"I didn't want her to, idiot! I wanted to protect you, because I-!"

Ichigo stared wide eyed at the young shinigami who had abruptly cut off her sentence. She looked flustered, then upset, and finally annoyed as she said, "I have to sleep. Good night."

Rukia carefully plopped down on her sleeping mat and turned facing away from the poor teen who looked like he had just won the lottery, and then lost it all.

"O-Oi! Midget! Finish that sentence right now!" Ichigo yelled, flailing his arms in frustration. The short haired shinigami responded in pulling her sheet over her face. Ichigo twitched in annoyance.

"Tell me right now, or I'll... throw away all of your Chappy crap!"

"Baka! It's not crap! And my arm hurts, so don't make me sit up again! Tch..."

"Finish that sentence!"

Ichigo heard the lithe body take a few gulps of air before she replied in a firm tone, "I can't."

"What do you mean you can't? I'm your friend, aren't I?"

A heavy silence crushed the room as Ichigo had uttered that one word that shook both of them to the core.

Friend.

Ichigo immediately regretted the remark as he heard Rukia stifle back a sound. She laughed darkly. "Yes, you are. And that's exactly why I can't tell you."

Ichigo felt his heart drop to his stomach. "Rukia, I-"

"Please. Leave me alone."

Ichigo did it. Without even meaning to, he had hurt Rukia. And he would regret it for the rest of his days. Without saying a word, he got up from the floor, and slowly exited the room, his body feeling numb.

As soon as the wounded shinigami heard the door close, she let out the sobs that she had been restraining with her blanket from her throat. Translucent tears rolled down her snow white cheeks as she repeated the word 'friend' over and over in her mind.

Life had no meaning now.

* * *

><p>After the incident, Rukia didn't speak to Ichigo for months. She constantly busied herself with work, and Ichigo grudgingly let her, until he had had enough.<p>

It had started with the nightmares. The incident that had happened, and the look on Rukia's face. The only difference was, Ichigo couldn't help her. He couldn't save her. The only thing he was capable of doing was watching her fall to the ground as she bled to death.

He would wake up, pillow drenched in sweat and face matted with dry tears. He had forgotten the last time he had cried for someone. Instead of going back to sleep, he laid in his bed and thought of Rukia. He missed her so much that it hurt, badly.

'Why am I such an idiot? Friend? How stupid could I have been?'

Ichigo's feelings for Rukia had changed drastically from the first day they met, to now. In the beginning, he looked at Rukia as a friend, nothing more nor less. Sure, he thought she was attractive, but he figured all the girls he befriended were attractive. Now, he doesn't think that way. The only person he finds attractive, beautiful even, is Rukia and only Rukia. The way he looks at her and the way he looks at his friends have become two completely different things.

He wants to protect people, as many people as he possibly could. Orihime, Ishida, Chad, are people who he has protected many times. They are people whom he cares deeply for. However, Rukia, for some reason, doesn't fit into that category.

Protecting her, isn't something he feels he wants to do, it's what he needs to do. He had to protect her. Rukia had become a necessity in his life. She was so special, so precious, the thought of losing her-

That was just it. He couldn't imagine losing her. Even trying to imagine it was unbearably and excruciatingly painful. He wants to hold her and never let her go.

But, what he wants and what she wants can either be similar or different. He wants to believe that he could have a chance with her, but he couldn't be too sure. For God's sake, he couldn't even muster up the courage to say those four words, thirteen letters, six syllables.

I love you, Rukia.

* * *

><p><strong><em>I'm such a cheesy motherfucker. <em>**

**_ANYWAYS. _**

**_Yeah, so I don't know if I'm going to continue this. _**

**_I was just bored one day. _**

**_Honestly, I don't know where in the shit this came from. _**

**_If people like it, I'll try and continue it. _**

**_~Roro-chan_**


End file.
